The words from a song in the 1957 musical “South Pacific” kept playing in my head as Nelly (my bus) made the 4,000 mile journey from Brooklyn, NY to Sarasota, FL to New Orleans, LA to Los Angeles, CA and many points in between.

"Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk,
Talk about things you'd like to do.
You got to have a dream,
If you don't have a dream,
How you gonna have a dream come true?"

My dream is to better understand aging in America. After traveling through the northern U.S. in April and May and now the southern U.S. in October and November, I have a more comprehensive understanding of our strengths and weaknesses and where we need to focus our attention, both locally and nationally.

Our senior population’s needs are vast and growing. I felt compelled to speak with seniors of all races and creeds and socio-economic backgrounds. What is it like to age in America? And what does it mean to be a caregiver for an aging loved one? I wanted to speak with the man and woman on street to better understand their experiences.

My dream came true through the efforts and good graces of everyone who allowed us to visit with them and film them (we’re making a documentary film of the entire experience!). We met hundreds of people who were very open about their pains and sorrows, as well as their joys and successes. I want to thank everyone I met along the way. You have enriched my life and I'll move forward with you and your story in mind.

Hearing the stories and coming up with some answers has given me an incredible sense of fulfillment. I don’t want to sound hokey, but I’ve been humbled and overwhelmed by the enlightening experience of having people across America pour out their hearts and souls to me. We have laughed together, cried together, hugged, and shared our life stories. I've truly had a dream come true.

 

Santa Fe is just gorgeous. With the Sangre de Christo mountains as a backdrop, and a river running through the heart of the plaza, New Mexico’s state capital is just breathtaking. It’s no wonder that there seems to be a real emphasis on ageing in a healthy way. People like to stay healthy and exercise and eat right and take good care of themselves. When you can look out the window and see gorgeous mountains, I do believe it inspires people to stay active and be among nature.

The Governor is very popular here, partially because of New Mexico’s accomplishments in caregiving. It’s a mandate for the state to provide the aging population with as much autonomy and dignity as possible, be it with their health, economic issues, and/or community outreach and support. Information and services are readily available for those who need it. Their aging and long term services also seem to be well coordinated. In many ways, New Mexico could be a model for other states across America when it comes to quality of life enhancement for our aging population.

 

Next, we drove all the way to the Native American reservation Isleta Peublo in New Mexico, just south of Albuquerque.  It was a true privilege to be invited, and to a person, they were incredibly gracious as they took me all over the reservation.  We ventured into people’s homes and gardens. We learned about how and why and what they planted according to tribal customs.  They gave us homemade bread that was cooked in their horno ovens.  We left with two, uncut tasty loaves which didn’t last more than 24 hours with my crew!

These were some of the most welcoming and proud people I met on my entire journey.  They talked about their strong oral history and storytelling tradition, their Tiwa language (which is making a real comeback), and then we saw the traditional arts and crafts that are a part of Pueblo life.  These include all kinds of hand-sewn things, embroidery, weaving, pottery, basket making, silver and turquoise works, wood carvings, and ceramics.  If only we could have been there to watch them pass on their traditions with singing and drumming and dancing!

I was most impressed by their sense of community and the built-in support system that exists in their culture.  They have a strong tradition of caring for their elderly family members.  And by using both their traditional tribal healing ways (herbs and medicine men etc.) as well as Western medicines (hospitals and off-reservation doctors), they can have the best of both worlds.

I felt very fortunate to be embraced on the reservation.  Many welcomed me and held my hand as they told their stories.  The pride in their history and heritage was very moving, as was their quiet spiritual quality.  They had smiles coming from their souls, and visiting Isleta Peublo was one of the most unique experiences of my trip.

 

We took route 287 north and then 40 west past Wichita Falls, Childress, and Amarillo (towns I’ve always heard of but never visited), then arrived into Dallas.  Everyone knows it’s home to the Dallas Cowboys, but I had no idea we’d also find vineyards and so many golf courses I couldn’t keep track.  We also drove by sheep and cows and horses and camels, and even though it was well after the growing season, we saw large tracks of land with seemingly endless fields of cotton and enormous grain silos.  The houses seemed to be miles apart at times, and everywhere you looked, the Lone Star icon of Texas was ever present.

 

Texas is a huge state that has plentiful resources for an extremely diverse population.  When people are so spread out, it can easily lead to isolation, especially for the elderly.  From what I saw, state and local workers are making a Herculean effort to bring services to those elderly in need in a timely manner.  Many states that are much smaller strive for this, but many aren’t meeting the needs of seniors as well as Texas.

 

I love San Antonio. It’s a large community with a small town feel. I’m so impressed that as the city has grown, it has been able to remain true to its roots. I have a daughter, grandchildren, and now a great grandchild living in San Antonio. I’ve been on the road for six weeks now and I just love it, but it was so nourishing to be with them to enjoy the fruits of family life for a few days. Family is the nucleus, the structure, and the fiber of one’s life. Family ties and roots and interactions also provide a major support system for us as we age.

It’s one thing to talk to your family on the phone, and so much more to enjoy them in person. We talked like teenagers into the wee hours of the night, about nothing and everything all at once. Getting hugs and kisses from my family is just gorgeous, and when I hold my great granddaughter, I’m overwhelmed by the infinity of life. What’s also amazing is the lack of an age barrier when we’re together.

It’s very important to have people around who care about you and whom you care about, both in good times and in bad. You can share pains and anxieties with your family to help you get through the ups and downs of life. I know I’m very lucky to have my family, and I can only wish that you are able to enjoy your family life, too.

 

On to Houston, TX (isn’t it strange that in New York, we pronounce it House-ton as in Houston Street?). In Texas, everything seems bigger and distances are enormous from place to place. Happily, the seniors I’ve met here are truly living their years to the fullest. And the state of Texas is providing them with a wide variety of free services. More than most states, Texas has taken the time and put the resources toward understanding the needs of the elderly to the minutest detail. The Texas senior guide directory (www.srguidance.org) is impressive and comprehensive and easy to navigate. Citizens can also dial 211 on the telephone to link up to free services, talk to elder care specialists, and get free 24-hour a day caregiving help for seniors and their families and caregivers.

Texas also does a great job of providing help and information to the Spanish-speaking population. After 35 years in elder care, I gave my first seminar to an entirely Spanish-speaking audience in Houston. With the help of a translator, even the humorous moments in my presentation worked, again proving the universality of the human experience.  I was delighted to see all of the same Texas state services available for Spanish speakers, since it warms my heart when seniors are taken care of!

 

I usually end my talks with a bit about Step #10 (Learn to Let Go) from my book.  Moments after we ended the other day, a caregiver came up to me with her bright eyes and wide smile.  She said she went to a funeral earlier in the week, and she wanted to share a poem she received there.  It's so poignant; I want to share it with you now.

 

The Dash

By Linda Ellis

 

I read of a man who stood to speak

At the funeral of a friend.

He referred to her dates on the tombstone

From the beginning to the end.

 

He noted that first came the date of her birth

And spoke of the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all

Was the dash between those years.

 

For that dash represents all the time

That she spent alive on earth

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth.

 

For it mattered not, how much we own,

The cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love

And how we spend our dash

 

So think about this long and hard:

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left

That can still be rearranged.

 

If we could just slow down enough

To consider what’s true and real

And always try to understand

The way other people feel.

 

And be less quick to anger

And show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives

Like we’ve never loved before.

 

If we treat each other with respect

And more often wear a smile

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

 

So when your eulogy is being read

With your life’s actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say

About how you spent your dash?

 

After traveling through Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisana, I’ve witnessed, drought, floods, and tornadoes as the Santa Ana winds feed the California wild fires. It makes me think that we should never take safety for granted. There isn’t much we can do to stop Mother Nature, but we can be pro active by making fire and safety drills a part of our lives just as they do in schools, businesses, and other institutions.

Consider these safety tips:

* If fire is suspected, call the emergency number and give your name, address, and other information requested.

* Feel the door with the palm of your hand. If the door or doorknob is warm, do not open it.

* If the door isn’t warm, drop to your knees and slowly open it. Be ready to slam it should a cloud of smoke roll in.

* Never take the elevator; always take the stairs.

* Don’t stand upright. Crawl or keep low to the floor to avoid smoke (which is an odorless carbon monoxide).

* When you reach an exit door, walk quickly and hold on to the hand rails.

* If you’re unable to leave, make every effort to notify someone that you’re still in the room, apartment, or house.

* Put a white towel or sheet out of the window to alert people that you are there.

* Put a wet towel around your mouth and nose.

* If the fire is outside, keep all burnable material away from the window.

* Don’t jump out of a window. Stay calm and listen for instructions.

* Once you’re outside, go to a designated previously agreed upon area so all family members can meet there.

You need to have an agreed upon, practiced plan of escape in the event of an emergency. Seniors must be included so they understand the plan. Also, the police and fire departments in every community have some escape plan in place. They’ll be happy to share their knowledge with you and your family. It’s important to prepare for the worst and hope it never happens. I have been in two fires during my life, so now I never go into a movie theater, restaurant, or museum without finding out where the exits are and knowing how to get to them quickly.

 

Seeing N'awlins again is a delight. I’ve been to New Orleans many times before for professional seminars and on family holidays. You can go for horse-drawn carriage rides, and visit the Audubon zoo with its huge menagerie of natural habitats. For gardeners, there are magnificent city estates, Greek revival mansions, landscaped gardens, and a children’s garden at the Longue Vue House.

 

The carriage rides through the French Quarter or down St. Charles line up in front of Jackson Square. There are plantation tours, city tours, paddle & wheel tours on large boats, and cemetery, ghosts & spirits tours. I haven’t even mentioned the music – it’s everywhere! This is a proud city that leans on its rich history of music, culture, heritage such. Hurricane Katrina left its devastating mark on the housing, the levies, and the people, but the spirit of New Orleans is very much alive and coming back.

 

I had the privilege of meeting with the Area Agency on Aging, The Central City Senior Center, the Uptown Shepherd Center, and PACE of New Orleans. All were wonderful and informative sessions where I got to know the staff, the department heads, and some of the people they serve.

 

Many spoke about their dreams and concerns. Families were separated by Katrina. People may never see their life-long neighbors ever again. Whole communities were uprooted as they headed for higher and safer ground. Katrina broke down the fiber of what people need to live. There was no support system left. Schools were closed for good. Seniors had their churches and synagogues taken from them. People don’t know if family and friends are coming back. Many seem to want to, but you can’t return if the support systems have been demolished.

 

I’m glad to report that many New Orleans natives are hard at work, brimming with optimism. At the invitation of the Area Agency on Aging, we went to a local food stop where young youth offenders were learning the restaurant trade. They were serving a hot pepper sauce they made while learning food management and sales. New Orleans has kept alive the old-fashioned concept where families and communities help their own. This type of entrepreneurship has to move the city forward. So I’ll be enjoying my food fest in N'awlins including Po'boys, Creole, Cajun, and Italian dishes, followed by cafe au lait, beignets, and pralines. Yummy.

Mobile, Alabama greeted us with rain, thunder, and tornadoes. It’s one thing to see tornadoes on television, yet quite another to see them right in front of you - it’s exciting and scary and beautiful all at once. People in Mobile take tornadoes in stride. They’re used to taking precautions such as keeping away from windows, boarding them up, and taking shelter in a basement or cellar.

When the “all clear” signal sounded, I was reminded that safety needs to be part of our daily routine. Knowing family phone numbers and emergency numbers is so important, so make sure they are programmed into each of your phones. I always recommend having a back pack ready filled with daily essentials in case you need to grab it at a moment’s notice. This just goes along with my basic drumbeat of being pro-active, not re-active.

Mobile is a bigger city than I had imagined. I was invited to speak on several TV stations, radio stations, and also had a few newspaper and magazine interviews. I spoke at the Mary Abby Burg Senior Center, the Creola Sail Center, and with the student body at the University of South Alabama (South for short).

It was so exciting for me to speak to these young students. They were very curious and many are still determining their exact career path. It was heartwarming for me to have several students come up afterwards to say that they were now going to consider the field of geriatrics.

That’s great news, because geriatrics is a profession that seems to be shrinking right when the senior population is bigger than anytime in our history. We need more young, dedicated workers to become geriatric doctors, nurses, nutritionists, physical therapists, and occupational therapists. Many students don’t even know that the field exists. Those who do choose it will never be out of a job with the coming geriatric tsunami.

I know how exciting and rewarding it is to work with the elderly. My clients are full of wonderful stories, and family and community histories, and I have learned something from each one over the years. I’ve been truly blessed to have known so many beautiful seniors, and I look forward to meeting many more.

I’ve met many people on our trip who are dealing with incredible problems. Some have been caused by nature, others by family, and still more by physical and mental frailty. Yet the human spirit continues to grow like a garden. Each person enhances a garden like an individual flower.

This brings to mind a poem I’ve had in my head since the day I read it 30-plus years ago. Attributed to Anonymous, this poem is in the fiber of my being. Whoever did write it has given me a lot of comfort over the years, and I want to share it with you now.

The Garden (Anonymous)

For the garden of your daily living, plant three rows of peas:
Peace of mind
Peace of heart
Peace of soul

Plant four rows of squash:
Squash gossip
Squash indifference
Squash grumbling
Squash selfishness

Plant four rows of lettuce:
Lettuce be faithful
Lettuce be kind
Lettuce be patient
Lettuce really love one another

No garden is without turnips:
Turnip for meetings
Turnip for service
Turnip to help one another

To conclude our garden, we must have thyme:
Thyme for each other
Thyme for family
Thyme for friends

You reap what you sow

Most people know that Florida has one of the highest senior populations in America. But what many might not realize is that Florida is leading the way in many senior service initiatives. Our seniors have fought wars, worked hard, paid their taxes, and educated their children (and even grand children sometimes), so it’s important that we do what we can for them as a society.

The state of Florida is proactive in many ways. Lawmakers and leaders looked at the graying population and decided to address the issue. They have broken things down into manageable, actionable programs. I met with Florida’s Department of Elder Affairs and came away very impressed by the breadth and depth of their efforts such as senior networking, home-delivered meals, preventive health services, wellness initiatives, caregiver support, senior community service employment, elder abuse prevention, and long-term care ombudsmen programs.

There is also a Communities for a Lifetime program which deals with long term needs so that seniors who want to can age-in-place. It is state-wide and includes community relations, employment, housing, wellness, public safety, intergenerational connections, and volunteer/community services. Simple yet effective changes like paving smoother sidewalks, adding curb cuts, and increasing the time as senior has to cross the street all make a real difference in daily life. Florida’s efforts are to be applauded, and I will be talking about them as I continue on my journey. Next, it’s on to Alabama!

While on this bus tour, I’ve met many people who are volunteering their time, services, skills, knowledge, and talents. People give for a variety of reasons such as to raise money for a worthy cause, to share their love of art as docents at a museum, to help new citizens acclimate to new surroundings, to help children and teens and young adults, and to aide the frail, infirmed, or helpless.

Giving and volunteering and mentoring are the backbone of American communities and families. Its variety is infinite and imaginative, and includes volunteering in hospitals, in schools and universities, at clubs and organizations, and with the police and fire and EMS departments. It is ultimately all about hand helping hand and heart touching heart.

It’s both empowering for others and powerful for yourself when you share your knowledge and talents freely so that others can learn and grow. No matter what motivates us to give, the giver always “gets” in return, be it a thank you, a smile, a changed life, or witnessing someone else reach greater heights.

Our retirees and seniors give of themselves because they realize that the giver is always rewarded. Being involved in the community in this fashion also helps maintain a senior’s independence, relieves isolation and loneliness, can improve quality of life, and can help avoid premature institutionalization. I find that volunteers are always in the season of discovery, illumination, and learning. Give and you will get more than you ever imagined. I know I have!

The endless blue skies and various shades of white clouds over Florida provoke many thoughts. As we drove down Routes 410, 76, and 95 among others, the clouds become castles, people, animals, and other creatures of our imagination. Families, singles, and seniors can all find places of interest and entertainment for pleasure, leisure, and recreation in Florida such as Disneyland, Universal Studios, beautiful beaches, and great golfing. The state even has the first airport in America, a Salvador Dali museum, baseball’s spring training, and some places Elvis supposedly visited.

Florida is also where I took a clown course for non-professional clowns with the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey circus many years ago. At the time, I was a director of therapeutic recreation for a 1,500-bed multi-purpose facility in Brooklyn, NY. I had a large dedicated staff of therapeutic recreation workers. My goal was to bring joy, play, and laughter to people of all ages who were confined either for a short-term or long-term stay. I have sat through many shows of "I Love Lucy," "The Honeymooners," and "The Odd Couple," as well as funny films with my seniors. Laughter is the great healer. Laughter and joy and fun are the glue that keep lives and families together.

My goal then was the same as it is today - to have people concentrate on what is good about themselves and their life in general. Recreation, leisure, play, humor, and especially laughter are all part of the “Re-Creation” of how life can be perceived. Is your glass half-empty or half-full? You have choices. You cannot always foresee or avoid events in life, but you do have the power to control how you react to these various events. More people should consider going to clown school to better appreciate the power of laughter. The world would be a healthier place because of it.

It was a long drive south into Florida on Route 75, but the ride was easy since there weren’t many turns, Nelly (my bus), didn’t have to huff and puff over any hills or mountains. People smiled, honked, and waved at us as we cruised in the warm breeze under perfect skies, past palm trees and the Gulf of Mexico’s blue/green waters. The mosquitoes love the area as much as all of the snow birds from the northern U.S. and Canada.

I feel blessed to come in direct contact with extraordinary elder care companies who deal with issues such as mobility, rehabilitation, assisted living, and long term care housing. At every opportunity, I like to try out adapted equipment in person. When the catalogues arrive in my mailbox, I get excited as if it was the newest fashion or jewelry for sale. So I felt very lucky to be able to visit Hoveround. Based in Sarasota, FL, Hoveround manufactures an easy-to-use, dependable, indestructible line of power chairs. They are impressive mobility machines! Each chair is custom made and the comfort level is amazing. I want to thank Hoveround for the chance to tour their headquarters and learn more about their life-changing chairs.

I also visited the Sarasota Friendship Senior Center, and the Pines of Sarasota. Caregivers in attendance talked about their frustrations, sense of loss, grief, denial, anger, and how having a support system can really help. At the Francis T. Bourne Jacaranda library, caregivers poured out their hearts and revealed things they hadn’t even talked about with family and friends. We also shared information about the latest, greatest elder care products that are available to help an aging population. This group became an instant circle of intimacy, as we had similar experiences and realized that we are truly not alone. We all need the support of family, friends, lovers, and coworkers.

Caregivers have to become more aware of products that can help their elder loved one. This is another reason that I’m on this tour. As more people age, more and more products are being designed and manufactured to increase an elder’s quality of life. Getting the behind-the-scenes look at the intelligent effort put forth to make quality products like Hoveround's power chairs gives me further hope that we are all headed in the right direction.

Next, we visited the metro Atlanta area. The theme from GONE WITH THE WIND played in my head as we enjoyed old-fashioned hospitality and lots of peaches. Among several other TV and radio appearances, I was invited by WAGA Fox 5 television to discuss elder safety devices on their live morning show.

Sadly, many people affected by elder care are like Alice in Wonderland. When she came to a fork in the road, a curious caterpillar sitting on a mushroom asked her where she was going. She replied that she didn’t know. And the caterpillar replied that if you don’t know where you’re going, it doesn’t matter which road you take.

The caregiving professionals I’m meeting are conscientious and dedicated and read everything they can about boomers and seniors. They are helping people find the right road. Many have an insatiable appetite for information, facts, and really want to know what is working around the country. They also have concerns regarding budgets at their facilities, and where to put their resources so that they can deal not only with seniors today but can also prepare for the future grey population. As funding is cut, elder care demands are often outstripping the resources, and they are asked to do more with less. Even in the face of a Herculean task, professional caregivers are usually very positive and spirited, and I applaud their efforts.

I find it incredibly heartwarming that no matter where we go, it appears that everyone has an elder care issue in their life. But I’m meeting so many people who don’t seem to know where they were going and it’s vital that we figure that out – and sooner rather than later. Sometimes we really need to know which road we’re taking and why we’re taking it, both in our personal and professional lives. My goal is to help people find the right road, just like Alice eventually did.
In Richmond, VA, and then Raleigh and Charlotte, NC, I visited churches, senior centers, hospice programs, and with professionals in the legal, financial, and housing/mortgage arenas. It sounds like a very mixed bag and it was. But there were many common denominators, including boomer and senior issues, and pressing concerns about the future.

Einstein said, “Humanity is going to need a substantially new way of thinking if it is to survive.” I am excited since most people I meet are not afraid of experimenting. They are building on what they know and branching out to better serve the needs of the aging population.

We covered topics like the pros and cons of long term care insurance, reverse mortgages, seniors staying in their homes, downsizing, and seeking a higher level of care as the needs arise and then bringing in hospice if it is needed. We also discussed the many hats that a caregiver wears: chef, legal and financial guide, driver, therapist, support system, sounding board, and networker. I think “Saint” can usually be added to that list!

At the end of each day, I come away wondering: Will we have enough resources for the elderly, no matter how sincere our endeavors? I’m filled with optimism. We have a country that’s peopled with pioneers who routinely break ground in science, education, medicine, math, and the creative arts. As a nation we have survived human tragedies, national disasters, and foreign attacks. The strength of our forefathers (and foremothers) will open exciting and new answers to our unstated questions. Many elder care professionals and caregivers I’m meeting on this tour are already following Einstein’s advice.

Leaving Richmond, VA at night, we traveled south to the twinkle of the blinking lights whizzing past us. I love to watch the road at night. It gives me a chance to think about the events of the day, and to formulate what I want to say to the people I meet in the days ahead. I’ve spent a lot of time on the bus trying to put the pieces of this nationwide elder care puzzle together, and I’m seeing the big picture more and more, day by day, city by city.

This night I had to reach the airport in time to fly to Columbus, GA to speak to NARFE, the National Association of Retired Federal Employees. There were about 150 people in attendance, and I was able to learn about this retiree organization throughout a lovely dinner. NARFE’s members are managing elder care issues as well as their own aging concerns.

Many questions arose about their health, their pension, outliving their resources, and caring for elderly parents. They loved to laugh, but there were serious topics on the docket. They expected to be stress-free at this stage of life with their children out of the home, but many are widows or widowers, have a second or third marriage, and are now caring for aging parents/inlaws/siblings and spouses. They also want to make sure they don’t lose their benefits.

A few days earlier in Baltimore, MD, I met groups from the gay community, and they are dealing with “Gay and Grey” issues that cover a unique spectrum. As a group, they have aging issues just as straight citizens do, but they also have concerns regarding their legal and financial rights. Just traveling to another state or country can bring a variety of legal issues if they or their partners need to be hospitalized or any other major event occurs. Due to these complications, they feel like they are on a very slippery slope unless the laws and policies become fairer to them.

So no matter what our differences may be, human beings have much more in common with each other than we think we do. Let’s look for these commonalities and support each other so we can work together to find elder care and caregiving solutions. We have to find answers for the questions that are being asked, and for the questions that have yet to be articulated. Rest assured that I’ll be pondering this as we roll down the road to our next destination.

As we drove through Baltimore and Washington, D.C., I noticed that both towns have elegant stone homes with stained glass doors and windows. Both cities have a deep history, and they have also been bombarded with modern day electronic apparatus like TV antennas, cell phone towers, and satellite dishes. I thought about how change is inevitable. Many people, including some of my favorite elderly clients, have a hard time with change. I like to face change head on, address how it impacts us, and move forward in a positive direction.

In Washington, D.C., I was excited to appear on National Public Radio again with Michel Martin and the Mocha Moms on “Tell Me More.” Each one of the Mocha Moms has a personal geriatric concern, and this is becoming a universal phenomenon in the United States. This is a change from past generations. As mom’s today, we deal with tots, toddlers, and teenagers, and many moms are also dealing with their parents and grandparents. We may be dealing with 2 year-olds or 102 year-olds.

As I travel from city to city, I’m amazed at how many people are dealing with caregiving issues. When we stop the bus, even just to get gas, it’s like a magnet. People really want to talk about their elder care issues. Almost everyone today will have to deal with elder care at some point in their life.

One of the best ways to deal with it is to proactively embrace change. Families that once lived close together might now be spread out across the country. This can make it very difficult. But don’t hide from change; and if you are a caregiver, be sure to take care of yourself. Sometimes you might need to get help, and even hire professional help if possible. I have learned that the end of life is truly a chance to heal wounds, understand each other, and capture the history of your elder loved one’s time on earth.
Willie Nelson put it better than I ever could:

On the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Goin' places that I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again,
And I can't wait to get on the road again.

This is exactly how I feel as I get ready to board my ’66 Greyhound for another journey across America. I just can’t wait to get on the road again and explore. I don’t know what I’ll find but I do know it’s going to be interesting and stimulating.

I love listening to people’s stories and pains and successes. I found on the last trip that what works, is really working out there. Each community is solving their problems in a unique way, and there are successful models that can possibly work in other communities if people just knew about them. So I’ll be out there looking for models that are working to meet the concerns and needs of the elderly. Part of me feels like Johnny Appleseed since I want to plant the good seeds of what’s working in everyone’s hometown.

We have to go back to the old-fashioned values of helping yourself, helping your neighbors, and growing your sense of family to include the surrounding community. It’s time to reinvent family and reinvent community in a modern society. We need to open lines of communication, and take advantage of modern day advances like the cell phone and computer and internet to keep in touch and get our needs met.

My mind is racing on the eve of the trip, almost as fast as our beautiful bus. I want the elderly to feel like they are in their golden years, not their rusted out years. You can still set goals and learn new things and take a bite out of the apple of life and enjoy all of the juiciness of life. There I go again with the apples. I just love fall apples because they are so full of juice. Life needs to continue to be full of juice for all of us, no matter what age or obstacles might be placed in our way.

I’m looking forward to all of the extra hugs I get. It’s incredibly satisfying in that respect. Rock stars might be cheered on stage - I get hugs. I’m not a performer. I’m an information gatherer, and I’m a listener who then tries to shine a light on the past so people can see their way out of a problem to move forward into a positive future. It’s important to gather knowledge that gives you the direction and power to move forward. It’s my goal to disseminate information, or to plant it like Johnny Appleseed, so that they are further empowered on this second bus tour. “And I can’t wait to get on the road again”
My bus trip exploring aging in America exposed me to new information and insights. I was also alerted to the reality that we all need to expand our horizons and think in new ways to weather the geriatric tsunami that’s heading our way. We are a nation with a vast array of information gathering potential - be it person to person, or via the Internet, or in public or private or religious forums, or at the corporate level. The availability of resources, knowledge, and hands-on know how is ever expanding. Tapping into these resources will allow us to better manage aging in general and elder care specifically.

Each hamlet, town, city, and state that I crossed was making every effort to understand and deal with the growing need to care for their aging population. The major concerns articulated were:

* How can we help individuals maintain their independence and remain in their own homes as long as possible?
* How do we deliver our seniors proper nutrition, transportation, and medical and pharmaceutical services?
* How can we expand the services that are already in place to accommodate the future needs?

I have witnessed the big jig-saw puzzle of aging across America. There are many large, well-run organizations that are a piece of the puzzle. There are also communities where grass roots religious organizations, corporations, and government agencies reach out, but they cannot reach far enough to include everyone who has a need. I was incredibly encouraged to see that the efforts and energy to address the growing needs of our aging population is there. What we need to do now is put the pieces of this puzzle in place so that everyone can be an active part of the overall picture. I’m convinced that this approach will help the information, support, and assistance reach those in need in a more timely and meaningful way.

I am inspired by all that I witnessed and learned. I came across new paradigms and was exposed to fresh concepts. The key moving forward is to share information so that we can learn from others - individually, as a family, as a community, and as a nation. Americans have worked successfully together for a common cause in the past. Now is the time to work for the common good and support of our seniors.
We rolled into Washington, D.C., the capitol of our nation and birthplace of the laws that govern our country. As new needs arise and/or we become aware of inadequacies or injustices in our laws, our legal system allows for change to meet the needs of a growing and shifting America. Our laws allow each state to govern itself, and yet there are laws that govern us as one nation.

With all of our problems, America functions quite well. We are the most diverse nation in world history, and we are a country under laws - that’s why America works. We are able to amend laws and create new ones.

In D.C., I met with Dr. Clarence Brown, Director of the Government of the District of Columbia, Office on Aging. I was delighted by his enthusiasm and optimism and his willingness to think “outside the box” and try new things. This is the kind of energy that’s needed to tackle aging in America. It’s important that decision makers like Dr. Brown try to keep up with the issues surrounding retirement, medical coverage, and housing so the vast majority of Americans can enjoy a graceful aging process.

Laws govern our lives and the universe and math and science. Laws can change as we are enlightened by more information. A society is known by how it treats its young, its old, its infirmed, and its disabled. As we better understand the needs of our aging population, the better we’ll be able to meet these needs, change our laws if necessary, and remove barriers that hinder someone’s ability to reach his or her full potential.
Known for its great seafood, Boston is also home to the SS Constitution, the Freedom Trail, historic North End, and the Mapparium. The Charles River meanders through the city encouraging play, watersports, reminiscing, and contemplation. Beantown is a city for tourists, travelers, families, and singles alike. It’s also famous for world class educational institutions that encourage intellectual growth and the exploration of new ideas.

I visited the architectural firm Adaptive Environments and met with Valerie Fletcher, their executive director. The company’s mission is to create “human-centered design” for people of all ages. Unlike many other design firms, they focus on the user. From housing and living spaces, to furniture and fixtures and adapted equipment, their designs are to be used efficiently and comfortably with “everyone in mind.” Their concepts give people with disabilities more autonomy and opportunity.

Food gives the body endurance and power. Education and experience strengthen our mind and intellect to create new ideas and growth. Caring for another person gives you the chance to understand someone else on a deep level, to be exposed to other cultures, and to become sensitive to the needs of others. When we reach out and share our knowledge, expertise, and special skills, we grow as individuals. We feel nourished. Nothing makes us stronger than to help another person. Adaptive Environments is helping us all better understand the needs of the elderly who have some sort of disability. I applaud them for their hard work and determination to make the world a better place.

As the song goes, New York is a wonderful town. Every time I come home I get so excited. I especially love the city at night, when it twinkles and its bridges look like glamorous glass necklaces. New York City recharges me with its amazing sights and sounds. I can visit a museum or go find a new neighborhood or simply stand in Times Square. Just being there fills me with enough energy to face life’s challenges.

While in New York, I went to see Joseph Breed, the executive director of St. Margaret’s House, a 202 independent housing facility for 400 elderly Americans on Fulton Street. Joseph is a model example of proactive thinking. When 9/11 occurred, St. Margaret’s House had clean water, electricity, and a staff that was cross-trained to be competent in a variety of jobs and tasks. If and when disaster hits, Joseph knows he is responsible for the elders who stay there. He couldn’t have known that 9/11 would happen, but by being proactive, St. Margaret’s House had fresh water, food, a suitable backup generator, and an incredibly competent staff. It was an oasis in a desert of despair.

So be proactive rather than reactive in life and especially with elder care. Plan ahead like Joseph. Realize that if you let your batteries die and you don’t recharge them, you won’t be able to face life’s stiffest challenges.

Lambertville is a picturesque little town in New Jersey that lies nestled against the banks of the Delaware River, right near where George Washington crossed in his pre-dawn raid on the British in December, 1776. Lambertville is filled with the sights and sounds of summer - walking paths by the river, tree-lined canals, distant train whistles, buzzing bees, and outdoor eateries full of people enjoying the day.

We parked the bus and I spoke with several couples on the street. Each one had a story about what makes for harmonious living. They discussed the aging process and the importance of companionship and how it becomes even more vital as one enters the mysterious world of aging. Companionship can come from any source and is an essential part of healthy aging. One just has to find a companion that’s harmonious for them.

Sometimes a companion isn’t a person, but rather a place and a community. I also spoke with a man named Jeff Kline who owns a building in downtown Lambertville. Jeff’s father ran a stationary store well into his old age. He was a local character, and many people still tell Jeff what a great man he was. Jeff converted that space into a coffee shop and an art gallery after his father’s death. Today, he runs a vintage guitar shop above the coffee shop and gallery. His mission is to introduce kids to a lifetime of music. He gives lessons upstairs and his students give concerts in the art gallery. Jeff’s building is an asset to the community and his presence is a continuation of the legacy created by his father.

Princeton combines the best of a small town community with the intellectual stimulation of a large city. It has tree lined streets, the aura of Princeton University, good transportation, and flowers everywhere I looked.

I met with three incredible women who are part of an organization called, “Community Without Walls.” These ladies were retired when they decided to create a group that became their support system, complete with ways to resolve various issues from health to social services. Their central message is that it’s vital to stay connected with the community at large by volunteering one’s expertise.

These women take on issues facing their elder co-members and continue to cut through red-tape in order to get the services they need. They are a real force to be reckoned with. They fight for their collective independence and their right to age in a way they see fit. What’s most exciting to me is that activism of this kind can spread across America. “Community Without Walls” is a great example of the elderly deciding what’s best for them, and then making it happen!
As we drove into Philadelphia, we spotted the statue of Benjamin Franklin which you can see prominently from many angles. It always reminds me of his practicality, foresight, understanding of people, and his vision for this country as a whole.

During my talk at the YMCA in North Philadelphia, the discussion turned to the issues and struggles of the handicapped. There were stories of how the handicapped are often ignored and pushed aside by society. Often times they are seen as less than a “normal” person in the eyes of those who don’t fully understand. This also occurs with the elderly, especially those who use wheelchairs and/or other devices to remain mobile. Many times, they are ignored or even treated as if they have a contagious disease that nobody wants to catch.

There was a woman in the group who had internalized her pain and feelings about the way her husband had been treated as wheelchair-bound person his whole life. I’m glad that she finally spoke of her anger and deep resentment about the humiliation her husband has suffered due to other people’s ignorance. As she told her story, I could see her pain diminishing. This type of sharing is essential for someone who is in pain. It usually leads to a new level of understanding both for the speaker and those who are listening. I bet Benjamin Franklin would encourage more of this discourse across our great land.
We drove east from Chicago to Detroit, all the way on Route 94. It was a continuous stretch of road that displayed much of America’s heartland: farms, small towns, cities, suburbs, and then finally Detroit, a strong city that’s striving for harmony amongst diverse cultures and resources.

While there, I appeared on the “Services for Older Citizens” television show. After the taping, I visited the Agency on Aging Ice Cream Social and had the chance to speak with many of the attendees. I was happy that they were very concerned about elder issues. They wanted to face the issues head on since doing so will help them build a greater city where diversity and aging are acknowledged and honored.

As we ate delicious ice cream and chatted under a tent, many people told me how they are working to ensure that community elders are taken care of and that all senior citizens can benefit from any and all resources that are available. I started to think about how we are defined by who we touch and what surrounds us. Helping others helps complete our community and our family. It pleases me to no end to see so many individuals making the effort to help the elderly in the local Detroit community. This leg of the tour was yet another motivating example of everyday Americans trying to make a positive difference for elderly people they don’t even know. I’m inspired and I hope you are too.

Chicago. I love Chicago - the breathtaking skyline, the Sears Tower, Millennium Park, the dawn to dusk cultural celebrations, the all-night light displays, the jazz, the blues, the history. This is a city of cultural diversity. I stayed in Oak Park, a suburb about ten minutes from downtown. It’s the birthplace of Ernest Hemingway and the one-time home of Frank Lloyd Wright.

First, I visited a retirement community called Mather’s Place of Wilmette. I always find it exciting and informative to speak to seniors directly so that I can learn from their diverse backgrounds and experiences. They were an outspoken, wonderful, and pleasant group of people who were very comfortable with their current place on life’s path.

Next, I met with John Lavin, President and CEO of AgeOptions. John spoke about the complexity of meeting the special needs of his widely scattered service population and the various levels and intensities of their care needs. He discussed his current programs and many others that are in the planning stages, all of which are intended to address specific elderly needs. John’s attention and long term agenda is encouraging news for Chicagoland’s elderly.

The needs of senior populations are as varied and diverse as colored glass in a cathedral. Each senior represents a unique composition of family, culture, language, history, physical, social and emotional backgrounds. It is very important that each worker or social agency assisting, helping, or interacting with seniors or their family create a program that meets the specific, unique needs of that person and their families.
In 1945 the city of Milwaukee stood still as a feathered mother waited for her small cluster of eggs to hatch. “Gerti” the mallard duck served as a reminder of the preciousness of life after so many years of war. The city even delayed reconstruction of the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge which was her nesting home. This small, but momentous gesture captured the imagination of the entire country. Milwaukee’s citizens and the nation watched and waited for the renewal of life.

Today, a commemorative statue shows “Gerti” and her newborn ducklings, “Dee Dee, Pee Wee, Black Bill, Freddie, and Rosie the Riveter” waddling across the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge as they might have in 1945. The statue symbolizes Milwaukee’s hope for the future.

Another place in Milwaukee that’s spreading hope for the future is BoomerTowne.com. I was very excited to meet with Herschel “Buzz” Peddicord, their inspiring CEO and Founder. (In the interest of full disclosure, BoomerTowne.com is one of the tour’s main supporters). Buzz said he created the site earlier this year because the Internet lacked one place where Baby Boomers could go for information and insight related to their lives. BoomerTowne.com already has over 9,000 pages of free content on topics like caregiving, travel, finances, exercise, food, sex, and many more. BoomerTowne is designed to be the virtual ideal American town. All the citizens of BoomerTowne.com are valued for their opinions and each citizen has a vote in the content and construction of the site. What Buzz and BoomerTowne’s citizens have done is inspiring. By providing free information that can help people live better lives, BoomerTowne.com is spreading hope for the future, just like “Gertie” and her ducklings did back in 1945.
On a tip from a local friend, we traveled into rural Iowa en route to Milwaukee. Iowa is rich in agricultural diversity. It’s an endless sea of green farmlands dotted with red barns, horses, cows, and machinery. We stopped in Dyersville, which was made famous by the movie FIELD OF DREAMS.

The town is only a spec on the map. We had lunch at a mom and pop restaurant on the main drag and afterwards, as I ambled down the sidewalk, I spotted a genuine, handmade wooden barber pole that was painted red, white, and blue. Inside, the barber was busy cutting a customer’s hair, so I sat down.

Both men chatted openly about their lives and issues. We discussed the qualities of living in a small town. They spoke of the friendliness and what it meant to know your neighbor and how all of this added to their sense of community. They expressed their hopes of safety for their children and loved ones and spoke about basic values and how they always felt welcome and involved at home. Both men are looking to their families to be there for them in their “golden years.” For the customer, retirement wasn’t perfect, but it was easier than working. He said he worked twenty five years milking cows two times a day before his first vacation.

Afterwards, we drove down a dusty road and stopped to play baseball on the actual “Field of Dreams” from the movie. It was a fun experience that underscored the importance of basic family values. There were members of a few other families on the field with us including kids no bigger than the bat as well as grandmas and grandpas. Though they didn’t know us, we all played together and experienced this magic moment in a communal way. That’s what life is all about.

When you look at Nebraska on a map there are no green spots, but when you actually drive across it you see that it’s as green as a garden in springtime. As we drove across Nebraska the wind blew and blew, creating rolling waves in the high grasses. We stopped in at a rest stop where I read about the early pioneer wagon trains and the pony express that crossed Nebraska’s plains many years ago. I read how they traversed mountain ranges in wagons to settle the unclaimed territories.

Our pioneers endured serious hardships, and it reminded me of the astounding progress we’ve seen in our lifetimes, progress they could have never foreseen. As I rode the bus, I marveled at its speed and dependability. The pioneers measured their travels in miles per day, and we measure ours in miles per minute.

Throughout America’s history each wave of travelers has brought their own uniqueness and richness of culture. Many people I’ve spoken to on this adventure have told me how their family came to this country. These stories contribute to our collective history and underscore the endurance of the human spirit.

Each generation strives to better themselves by passing down their values, languages, and histories to their children. It’s like making a great soup or stew. The more varied the ingredients, the tastier the dish. When our elderly tell the stories of their lives they help shape us and give us a path to follow. The strength of this country can be measured by the strength of our roots and our elderly population.
Denver is properly known as the mile high city. It rests at the foot of the Rocky Mountains, which show off their snow-covered peaks in the near distance. I was invited to be the keynote speaker at the Mayor’s 16th annual "Spring into Health” walk which was held at the beautiful Denver Botanical Gardens.

After the presentations, many of the attendees came over to learn more about what caregiver resources were available and to discuss how the elderly have contributed to society. Another interesting topic revolved around the importance of delegating as a caregiver. Many people also wanted to talk about my trip, and that made me feel good.

Later on, I spoke to a group of professional caregivers in a round table setting. I was inspired by what they had to share. They spoke from the heart about their caregiving experience and in no time at all, these strangers were not strangers anymore. Having the experience of being a caregiver in common allows people to know each other in a very connected way. Caregiving can be a challenging process, but it’s always made easier by sharing and talking about it with someone who understands.

Just outside Denver, I also visited a store called Capabilities that’s dedicated to people with special needs, especially the elderly. It’s fully equipped with a variety of practical and sometimes whimsical items, and the store is bright, airy, and welcoming. The two owners are informed, helpful, and always searching for new materials and solutions that can help those in need. They are frontier women breaking ground in today’s modern world.

In fact, many people whom I’ve met on this trip are ground breakers in their own way. They are improving on the path that has been laid before them. The elderly walk and create the snow-covered path before us. We can walk the same path they’ve made for us, or we can make a totally new trail and leave our own imprints for others to follow, all the way up and over the snow-capped mountains that stand watch over this amazing city.
On our way to Denver we stopped by the Eagle river for a break. I sat there for a while watching the ice cold water flow by. I watched it flow over these polished boulders and I thought it was an apt metaphor for being an aging person. You’re solid in your convictions and you know what you know. You’re smart enough and experienced enough to let the turbulent waters of life flow over and around you, but they don’t disturb your solitude and sense of self.
We were greeted with a blast of over 100 degree heat as we arrived in Phoenix. The desert was in bloom and the colors were subdued, delicate, and beautiful. I’ve been fortunate to get a lot of TV coverage on this trip. It’s really interesting that the anchors or camera crew often pull me aside to share their personal issues regarding a spouse, a parent, a grand parent or a lover. The universality of elder care is so prevalent, yet people usually find it very difficult to speak about their needs in an open forum.

I try to listen to the anchorperson or crew member until they’ve expressed their concerns, and then we discuss resources within their community. This way, they can leave our discussion with some answers. Within every community there are services, but most of the time people are unaware of the available resources or they’re so busy that they don’t even think about reaching out. I really hope these moments and all of this TV coverage are making a real difference for caregivers and their elder loved ones. That’s been my goal this entire trip.
Palm Springs was like a movie set. It was so perfect, no wonder people are happy to move there. We set up the bus on Canyon Drive, the main drag. As the sun set and the air cooled, the sidewalks filled with passing people, many of whom stopped and asked what we were doing and what we were trying to accomplish. They were also happy to tell me their stories.

A woman stopped with her children. She said one of the signs on the side of the bus had caught her attention (“Seniors are America’s most untapped resource”). She recently lost her mother and she talked lovingly of how it had been a privilege to care for her. She also talked about how hard it had been. Caring for her mother also gave her children the chance to spend time with their grandmother and hear her stories. This kind woman’s daughter was glowing when she spoke of her grandmother. This sharing is so important and something many families don’t have the opportunity to experience.

I also spoke with an Italian gentleman who had a cute little pooch with him. He said he loved being retired and that life could not be better because he and his wife kept active in their community. When his wife emerged from a shop and joined us, she concurred that retirement was the best thing that could have happened to them.

A successful retirement often hinges on maintaining a stimulating lifestyle that keeps you connected with people. The lesson that I’m learning over and over is that sharing and giving are also secret ingredients to remaining vital and vigorous in retirement.
The Grand Canyon was a real highlight, not just because it’s the Grand Canyon with all of its breathtaking scenic beauty, but also because of how accessible it is for the handicapped. While walking the rim of the canyon, I noticed that there were handicap accessible pathways, which even had benches strategically placed along the way. Many of the benches were beneath trees in the shade so people could rest while contemplating the spectacular view.

Back in the parking lot, I spoke to the driver of a free bus that shuttled handicapped people from one end of the rim to the other. The bus even had a hydraulic lift for wheelchairs. The driver was very helpful and explained that if a person with handicap issues called in advance, the park staff would be waiting for them with a wheelchair or parking permit that allowed them special access to the best sites. The park could also put down ramps at places where there were one or two steps. They have all the provisions so that a handicapped person can enjoy our nation’s treasures.

I brought my children here when they were young and impressionable, and the visit created family memories and images that we’ve revisited for decades. You can look at the Grand Canyon in books, but physically being there connects the generations and creates a stronger family bond. I’ve shared some extraordinary memories with my children that continue to enrich our family community.

I bought a lifetime senior pass called the “America the Beautiful Senior Pass” at the Grand Canyon for only $10. So now I can bring three other adults with me, and it’s valid at all U.S. Federal recreation sites. I’m very happy that our national parks exert a concerted effort to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable. I’ll visit a nearby recreation site with my elderly clients whenever I can as a way to improve their quality of life. Remember, it’s never too late to make new memories.

I was having breakfast at my hotel in Moab, Utah this morning when six or seven guys well over 55 entered. Every table was full except mine, so three of them plopped down and we started to talk. It turns out they were the “Asphalt Bikers” from California. They get together once a year for a motorcycle trip to a National Park somewhere in the USA.

We talked about motorcycles since I’m a former motorcyclist. They said not many women can talk about motorcycles. They asked me what I’m doing with that great bus and I said I’m taking a trip across America to better understand elder care issues. They thought that was great.

These were big, burly, rough and tumble bikers, but they were like marshmallows. One guy, Glen, had these interesting buttons. He said it was something he started after 9/11 to strengthen the understanding of America among our young children. He buys all of the art supplies and delivers them to local schools. The teacher asks the students to draw images that represent our country, and then Glen collects the art and resizes it to fit on a button.

Glen makes each of the buttons by hand, and always makes two sets. He sends one set back to the children so they can see their art on a button, and he carries the other set with him when the “Asphalt Bikers” take their annual trip. When he comes across someone doing something for their community, he gives them a button. I was flattered when he gave me these three buttons. He said, “You’re doing much more than most people.” It made me feel great, and I gave this big biker an even bigger hug.

We talked some more and each of them was doing something to give back to society. One was very active in his church, another was a Boy Scout leader. They talked like truck drivers, but they were very philosophical. They said that the best way to enjoy retirement is to stay busy by doing something constructive. And it’s also important to help others. Only when you’re older do you realize how many mentors you’ve had, and that’s the time to give back. I’d like to wear a button with their picture on it some day.

I’m so glad to have you along on our trip, and I thought you'd like to know what this bus is all about. Let me describe her to you. A converted 1966 Greyhound, she’s a 35-foot beauty, all polished stainless steel on the outside and comfortable camper/business office on the inside. She travels well and has great signs on the exterior that announce the tour. Everyone who passes by stares at her.

I like to pet her like a big puppy. My son and I bought her from a man in Montana who owned her for many years. He was an engineer, so we knew the mechanics would be sound. His carpenter friend built the interior cabinets nearly twenty years ago. It’s totally customized and runs like a dream, especially at 65 miles an hour.

We looked at dozens of RVs and buses but when we saw her, it was love at first sight. Every day I walk around her to make sure that everything is right. I’m like a mother checking up on a baby to see that she’s still breathing and all snuggled up.

As we drive across the country, I sit and listen to her squeak and moan as the cabinets shift and the metal eases down the highway. She has a rhythm all her own, and it makes for a beautiful song. The wind whistles by, the gears grind, and the brakes hiss. We named her Nelly because when we come to an amber light we say, “Whoa Nelly!” She’s like a thoroughbred racehorse; when she gets going she really doesn’t want to stop.

This country is beautiful. The diversity of visual stimulation is staggering. I’ve also been touched by the infinite variety of people I’ve met who are willing to discuss their hopes, concerns, and realities as they age or care for an aging relative. Each day I emerge from the bus to listen to and spend time with the elderly and their caregivers. I feel fortunate that there has been so much genuine sharing on this trip.

At the end of the day when I re-enter the bus, I feel tired yet elated. The bus has a safe feeling, like a cocoon. I love that I can reemerge from its warmth recharged and better prepared to continue on this cross-country journey.

Before you go on the air at a television station they make you wait in a room called the green room.  It’s usually filled with chairs and a table, some water and coffee, and a TV that’s playing their channel.  This is the place where the guests get to mingle before going on set.  It’s kind of like a doctor’s waiting room, but with a lot more excitement and anticipation.

While I waited in a green room at Sacramento 10, I met several wonderful people.  We talked about our passions and the reasons we were going on the show.  One guest was late, but his P.R. person was there pacing back and forth, calling him, and promising the network people that he’d be there on time.  He was the mystery man.  As his P.R. person got more and more nervous, she began describing him in reverent tones.  I knew immediately I had to meet this man.

Eventually he arrived just minutes before he went on.  His name was Eppie.  During his segment he promoted his race - a triathlon that he claims is the oldest in the nation.  He was regal looking with his gray hair and strong features.  When he finished on set I shook his hand.  It was a very solid handshake, yet it caressed you with his personality and warmth.  He had such a healthy glow and as he smiled, which he did a lot, it caused his blue eyes to twinkle with the radiance of a love of life.  His body was in great shape.  He was gorgeous - and he was almost 90 years old.

At the end of every day I like to ask myself, “Did I meet someone new?  Did I do something new?”  This trip has given me an infusion of new people and I’m constantly being inspired by them.  I get recharged when I meet a person like Eppie, who is drawing from the energy of life and using it for good.  There’s an energy around people, and when I find positive people I allow their energy to flow through me.

A thought: if you have two 2 x 4’s, they each have a certain amount of individual strength, but if you put them together, mathematically there is strength beyond the sum of their individual parts.  It’s the same with people.

I learned to do something new at the station - how to do a hand hug.  There was a boy there, a dancer in a troupe, about 10 years old.  He told me his grandpa had just passed on, and he was so happy to hear that someone like me was making life better for old people that he said he wanted to give me a hug.  So I bent down and he said, “No, no, boys don’t do it that way, we do a hand hug.” I said I didn’t know what that is.  So he showed me.  He was cute as a button.  Palm to palm, each person takes their right hand, fingers facing heaven, then you close your thumb around the other person’s hand and that’s a hand hug.  Then everyone in the dance troupe wanted to do it, so I was hand hugging all over the place.  It was another wonderful stop on this wonderful journey.

Speaking about elder care issues can be very difficult.  This is especially true in a public setting, and even more valid in a work environment.  Most people want to keep these issues and concerns private, and I can understand and appreciate that desire.

But this wasn’t on my mind as I entered the doors to speak in a corporate setting in San Ramon, CA.  We were scheduled to have a sit-down talk about geriatric issues with 20 employees of a company that is in the elder care space.   (By the way, it’s really amazing to me how many companies are springing up to meet the needs for elder care products and services.  I think it’s great!)  The company owner wanted his staff to be more sensitive to the range of elder care issues so they could help their online users.  But after we got settled, I quickly realized that many of these employees needed the help themselves.

I started reading from Appendix A: Warning Signs in my book “Elder Care Made Easier,” but I couldn’t get through more than a dozen elder care warning signs before the others in attendance took over.  Questions and personal stories just started flowing.  Now remember, we were in their place of work with their owner and bosses sitting right there.  This was not the usual environment where people open up, but boy did they open up.  The need for this information is immense.

After more than an hour, it was time to say goodbye.  Many of the employees had been working together for years and were surprised that they had these issues in common.  It was so exciting to see them relate on this new level of understanding and mutual support.  Most people don’t know who to talk to in order to get their elder care needs acknowledged, never mind addressed.  I loved being able to speak with them, and if for at least an hour, helping them get some answers.  My soul feels satisfied, and we still have 11 cities to go!

I love the spiritual support that religious organizations provide, so having the opportunity to speak at a church, synagogue, mosque, or the like is a real privilege.  You can imagine how thrilled I was to find myself standing before a congregation in San Francisco.

After a lovely introduction from the Pastor, I got to speak for about 20 minutes.  As I explained why I was going across the country, I wove in stories from the Bible to show that elder care issues have always been with mankind.  I also wanted to say that it’s important for us in this modern and technological world to draw sustenance from our family history and roots.  It can be tough to keep going as the hurricanes of life try to break us in half, but we need to draw energy from wherever we can.  Spiritual life, family connections, and friends can be the generator of that energy.

I felt very supported standing up on the dais.  The power of love in their community was obvious.  The Pastor mentioned that he’s trying to make his church a one-stop shop for those who have needs covering the entire age spectrum, from birth and baptism to end of life, funerals, and the grieving process.  Their progressive outreach was impressive.

I looked out at the women and men and children in their Sunday best, with their dresses and suits and marvelous hats.  It was like looking at a dazzling garden with a wonderful array of color.  I stood at the exit after the service, and I was almost overwhelmed by the sincerity that poured out of everyone who came up to me.  It was so heart warming.  As we pulled away in the bus, I felt emotionally embraced by that congregation.  The Pastor and I even made plans for him to visit during his vacation this fall.

After doing a live television morning show interview, we parked the bus in a high-traffic area in downtown San Diego to talk with people face-to-face.  I really want to hear what’s going on first hand.

It wasn’t long before an attractive couple in their early 60s came up.  They were very pleasant and asked about the tour and who is Doctor Marion and wow, why would you do this?  I laughed, introduced myself, and told them about the tour,  I said I’m doing this because I really don’t have a choice.

I quickly learned that they had been dating for well over a year and thought they knew each other well.  I asked them if they had prepared for their future.  She perked up proudly and said she had taken care of everything including long term care insurance, an up-to-date will, instructions for cremation, and a healthcare proxy and durable power of attorney.  She had one child and didn’t want him to have any financial burdens if something happened to her.

I noticed that her partner was looking at her like she was from Mars.  It turns out that he had taken care of absolutely none of these important things.  In fact, he’d never even thought about doing it.  And as a couple, they’d never even discussed it.  His attitude was that he was healthy and felt good and never needed to go to the doctor so why would he worry about these things.  We talked through the importance of handling these matters as soon as possible, and when they walked away, the woman’s demeanor and body language toward her partner had changed.  But, the good news is that just having the discussion seemed to really help.

This episode illustrates the importance of taking the time to make decisions when you have the competency to make them.  Don’t leave important questions unanswered.  It can be tough to get off the dime on these issues, but you gotta do it.  You don’t want to leave things to chance or to others who might not carry out your wishes exactly how you want them to.  As this couple found out, just having the discussion is a positive first step to getting your house in order.

Los Angeles gives you the best of all worlds. There’s the sand and the sun and the surf and nature everywhere, as well as a thriving multi-cultural metropolis. I look at the big Hollywood sign, and it strikes me that life should be “movieland perfect” here. But even in Hollywood, there are people struggling with elder care needs that have to be met. It’s as if they are walking around with big question marks over their head wondering how do I deal with my family obligations, job responsibilities, my career, my social life, my own kids, the elder care issues in the family, and how did my own free time get away from me?

After speaking with the Mayor of Malibu and an exciting book signing party at Duttons, I ended up in Palos Verdes, where one moment really stood out for me. After I gave a talk and book signing at the Palos Verdes library, a 45 year-old woman came up to me. From her clothing and jewelry it was apparent that she was well off, but she was in tears as she approached. She hugged me, saying “This is the first time I’ve heard anyone talk about the difficulties of this responsibility.”

It turns out that she’s a caregiver for her mother and father-in-law and she’s feeling overwhelmed. I asked her how she handles the stress. She said she plays basketball for 30 minutes against her garage since she doesn’t even have time to go to the local court. These are the only moments she has to herself in the course of a day.

This woman was obviously in crisis. She felt a moral obligation to take care of her in-laws since they always treated her well. And since her husband is their eldest child, she felt a social obligation as well. But there’s nobody there to take care of her. She falls asleep exhausted every night.

This brings me to a crucial point that I will say over and over. Caregivers have to take care of themselves or the entire thing falls apart. You have to enlist others to help you, and if you have the means, consider hiring help to come in. As she walked away after we talked for half an hour, I was at peace because I knew she had a few new tricks up her sleeve. I feel that I made a positive impact in her caregiving journey, so the trip is already a success!

A lot of people have told me I’m nuts to travel in a bus from Los Angeles to Washington, D.C. just to take the pulse of aging in America.  But as I sit here on the verge of my 15-city adventure, I really don’t have a choice.  A geriatric tsunami is headed our way and somebody’s gotta do something about it.

Why am I doing this?  Over time, I’ve come to learn that each family dealing with elder care has to reinvent the wheel.  They simply have no idea how to care for a loved one (or not so loved one!) in need.  I want to help these people, and there are millions of you out there.  I also want to improve the quality of life for the elderly.

I’m going coast to coast to learn about aging in America in a way that’s never been done before because I absolutely love the elderly.  They have taught me how to let go of past hurts and disappointments, how to live in the now, and so much more.  I want to find out what’s really happening at the grassroots level.  Are the problems family based?  Community based?  Similar from state-to-state?  Are they regional?  And what is the national scope?  I can’t wait to interact with everyday Americans, and to speak at churches and synagogues and businesses, and with community leaders and politicians to uncover the short term and long term issues that need to be addressed.

Six months of phone calls and writing and contacting and networking has gone into making this tour happen.  But it’s worth all the effort if I can make a difference for just one person out there somewhere.  So my foot is on the gas and I’m ready to go.  Honk if you see my converted 1966 Greyhound bus rolling down the road.  I promise I’ll drive carefully.